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Pride
22-12-2014, 04:07 PM
A lady walks into a Honda dealership. She browses around, then spots her perfect car, the brand NEW model NSX, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine alcantara upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone had noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Sorry madame but if you farted just touching this car you are definitely going to s*** yourself when you hear the price."

Merry Christmas everyone.
Pride.
:)

Pride
23-12-2014, 06:07 PM
Found in Car and Driver:

A Texas rancher was visiting a farmer in Israel. The proud Israeli showed him around in his NSX in about 1 hour flat.

"Here is where I grow wheat, tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Over there I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse," the farmer said proudly.

The land was about 1o0,000 acres and the Texan was surprised by its small size. "Is this all your land?" he asked.
"Yes," the Israeli said proudly again. "This is all mine!"

"You mean this is it? This is all of it?" the Texan said incredulously.

"Yes, yes, this is really all mine!"

"Well, son," said the Texan, "back home I'd get in my old Cadillac before the sun'd come up and I'd drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I'd only be halfway across my land!"

"Oh, yes," replied the Israeli farmer wistfully, "I used to have a car like that and then I discovered the NSX." :)


Come on guys, I'm sure you must have a few hidden away, don't be shy we all need a laugh.

Merry Christmas all.
Pride

Pride
24-12-2014, 03:28 PM
Try this one then:

A penguin is driving along the motorway in his NSX when, suddenly his engine starts running rough and he sees smoke in his rearview mirror. He pulls off the motorway and drives straight over to the dealership, and pulls up to the garage with the car shaking and sputtering. He tells the mechanic what happened, and he says "OK, give me 10 minutes to check it out."

Meanwhile, the penguin goes off for an ice cream to cool himself down. Thinking this is a perfect time anyway for a tasty treat, he heads up the road for an ice cream cone.

After he finishes it, he walks back over to the garage, and asks the mechanic "So, did you find out what's wrong?"

He looks at the penguin and says "It looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin quickly wipes his face and says "Oh, no, that's just the ice cream.":)

Pride
28-12-2014, 07:20 PM
January 2015 Detroit motor show.

A young man goes out and buys the best supercar available at the show: the brand-new $100,000 Acura NSX after being told it had the best mid range acceleration of any supercar under $1,000,000

It also happens to be the most desirable Japenese / American sportscar ever made so he decides to shell out $500,000 to jump the long waiting list que.

He decides to take it for a spin and drive it straight home from the show where he has to stop for a red light.

An old man (about 75 years old) on a Honda moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny new space age design and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "An NSX and It cost me a cool half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can accelrate faster than any other for overtaking!" states the young dude proudly. The old man asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the new owner.

So the old guy pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, he says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my trusted old moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 3 seconds the speedometer reads 60 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror.

It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, WHHHOOOOSSSHHH! something whips by him, going much faster.

What on earth could be going faster than my new NSX ?! the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the NSX up to 120mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.

Amazed that the moped could pass his NSX, he gives it some more throttle and passes the moped at 160mph. WHHOOOOSSSHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the pedal and takes the NSX all the way up to 180mph !!!!

Not 10 seconds later he sees the old Honda moped bearing down on him again. The NSX is flat out and there's nothing he can do.

Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Brand new NSX demolishing the rear. The young man jumps out; unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and machine and says, "Oh, my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers softly, "Unhook... my... suspenders... from... your... side-view... mirror."

boom boom!!!!!':)

Problem Child
28-12-2014, 07:56 PM
A lady walks into a Honda dealership. She browses around, then spots her perfect car, the brand NEW model NSX, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine alcantara upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone had noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Sorry madame but if you farted just touching this car you are definitely going to s*** yourself when you hear the price."

Merry Christmas everyone.
Pride.
:)

A man is out on the interstate having an evening drive in his new NSX. He decides to open her up and the needle jumps to 120 mph. Suddenly he sees a flashing blue light behind him. He thinks about outrunning the police car, which he could easily do, accelerates for a few seconds, then comes to his senses and pulls over. The officer comes over to check his licence. ‘I’ve had a tough shift,’ says the officer. ‘And this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before you can go!’ ‘Er, last week my wife ran off with a cop,’ says the man. ‘And when I saw your car I was afraid he was trying to give her back!’

‘Have a nice night,’ says the officer.

Pride
26-02-2017, 09:24 PM
Made me smile anyway.

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